It has been quite some time since I have visited my blog. I have a lot of excuses/reasons why...
1. Intimidation- thats a hard one to type. I pride myself on being level-headed, "reasonable", etc. So after being introduced to blogs within the past year I was inspired to begin my own. Just like with many other things those bloggers made it look easy. I figured surely sharing my thoughts and feelings would be simple after all a big part of my training requires I be in touch with my thoughts and feelings as often as possible.
2. Opposition to routine- after a handful of post, I became distracted. I start the blog on an impulse and not much time passed before my impulse lead me to something else.
3. Feeling irrelevant- Im still trying to make sense of what direction if any I plan to take the blog and so this initial start up is tougher than I imagined
4. Putting it out there- regardless of my topic, or frequency of blogs- I need to recognize and continue to come to terms with putting it all out there...
see now I feel like Im rambling.... so I'll stop - for now
LNC
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Friday, October 3, 2008
new job new location new attitude
a lot has happened since my lastest entry...
Im at the new job, im loving it! So much so its scary. I wonder when the other shoe will drop, or when the shine will fade, and I begin to see things for what they really are- will I still feel the same. At any rate, until then Im enjoying myself, meeting new people, learning new things. It was definately one of the best decisions Ive made in a long time. I can't recall every feeling this positive about a work experience.
Yeah me!
Im at the new job, im loving it! So much so its scary. I wonder when the other shoe will drop, or when the shine will fade, and I begin to see things for what they really are- will I still feel the same. At any rate, until then Im enjoying myself, meeting new people, learning new things. It was definately one of the best decisions Ive made in a long time. I can't recall every feeling this positive about a work experience.
Yeah me!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
cant shake it
today has just been one of those days. when I got in the car -it wouldnt start. I was in such disbelief I must have tried to get the car started for like 25 mins, taking the key out the ignition, making sure all buttons and knobs were in the off position. (my automobile expertise is quite limited). so it turns out the battery was dead as a doorknob. fortunately, i was able to contact a mobile repair service and they came out to replace the battery. this of course meant i was like 2.5 hrs late to work. it has just thrown me off and bummed out for the remainder of the day. and i keep getting this eerie feeling like something awful is right around the corner.
i dunno- cant seem to fight the pessimism today. ... it would be nice to be wrong about this though...
i dunno- cant seem to fight the pessimism today. ... it would be nice to be wrong about this though...
Friday, August 1, 2008
mommy's coming
so Mom is visiting for an entire week, 8 days and 7 nights to be exact. Im excited to see her, its been 4 months. But 8 days with just the two of us could be a recipe for disaster. My saving grace is work, we wont be in each other's face all day - and that will help. Im looking forward to hearing how I need to be a better home maker, driver, dresser, etc... lol. The idea is Mom is coming to help me pack it all up- as I prepare for my exodus. Which couldnt have come at a better time. I started packing then got overwhelmed as boxes began to pile higher and higher. This is my 4th big move in 6 yrs I should be used to it. At any rate, I definately appreciate her coming out to help.
Im trying to rack my brain around "cost-efficient" (I am moving-can we say expensive as hell) fun things to do. I thought about pedicures, lots of window shopping, maybe even a fancy brunch or something. We'll see how this thing pans out.
The funny thing about this is- even Mom is coming to help me pack and clean up- I have to pack and clean up for her arrival. What is that about? Im sure Im not the only one who has the parent coming to visit- got clean and prepare ritual... I wonder if my Mom does that when I come home, or did she do that when her parents would visit her? Its all about making our loved ones feel comfortable.
until next time...
LNC
Im trying to rack my brain around "cost-efficient" (I am moving-can we say expensive as hell) fun things to do. I thought about pedicures, lots of window shopping, maybe even a fancy brunch or something. We'll see how this thing pans out.
The funny thing about this is- even Mom is coming to help me pack and clean up- I have to pack and clean up for her arrival. What is that about? Im sure Im not the only one who has the parent coming to visit- got clean and prepare ritual... I wonder if my Mom does that when I come home, or did she do that when her parents would visit her? Its all about making our loved ones feel comfortable.
until next time...
LNC
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
all that for a ticket
so ive been playing around with some of the settings on this thing all morning. truth is - i like to press buttons so i could spend even more time trying to get things "just right".
my dad had minor surgery in june... which required him to take off work, and go to physical therapy about 2 times a week. He is getting better at following the doctors orders but in the beginning- it was a struggle. Despite the fact he had no medical degree- he thinks in fact he knows he has the remedy for all that ails him or anyone else for that matter. so because he's been at home recuperating I call more often that usually to check in -and he updates me on gas prices, Olympic trials, Barack's oversea excursions, etc... This is cool. Im enjoying it -it seems like we are beginning to relate to each other like adults, as opposed to daddy and baby girl (which is what is does call my sister and I from time to time). No harm done- really.
So because he is at home most of the day alone he finds all these things to get into. Or problems that need to solved or straightened out. Some of the problems are valid (grass needs cutting) some of them- make me wonder about what happens to people with too much time on their hands. I call last night, just to check in. My dad sounds distracted and concerned about something- i cant tell all in the way he is saying hello. I figure he will get around to telling me as he is not one to hold his tounge. So I go into my usually line of questioning, how was PT, what's Barack up to, etc. He responds but I can tell he is not up for the small talk today.
So finally i ask- Daddy whats wrong?
He says I cant believe it... I can't believe it.
What???
I lost my lottery ticket!!!
I began to laugh in amusement.
Naw naw this is serious business.
(I heard things rattling in the background, noises fading in and out, he is clearly pacing around the house.)
I had it in my shirt pocket and now I cant find it...
Well Daddy- im sure it will turn up.
Okay so I utter more reassurances. He is not having it. I need to put this in perspective. My dad buys lottery tickets fairly frequently. Not a lot of them- but enough to be a part of the action. During one family dinner where my Dad was leading the blessing of the food at the end of the blessing he asked the Lord for the lottery numbers. "Help a brotha out" he said. So he is quite distraught by having misplaced this ticket. I dont know if he ever found it- and I'll check in later to see what happened.
But man my parents are characters...
my dad had minor surgery in june... which required him to take off work, and go to physical therapy about 2 times a week. He is getting better at following the doctors orders but in the beginning- it was a struggle. Despite the fact he had no medical degree- he thinks in fact he knows he has the remedy for all that ails him or anyone else for that matter. so because he's been at home recuperating I call more often that usually to check in -and he updates me on gas prices, Olympic trials, Barack's oversea excursions, etc... This is cool. Im enjoying it -it seems like we are beginning to relate to each other like adults, as opposed to daddy and baby girl (which is what is does call my sister and I from time to time). No harm done- really.
So because he is at home most of the day alone he finds all these things to get into. Or problems that need to solved or straightened out. Some of the problems are valid (grass needs cutting) some of them- make me wonder about what happens to people with too much time on their hands. I call last night, just to check in. My dad sounds distracted and concerned about something- i cant tell all in the way he is saying hello. I figure he will get around to telling me as he is not one to hold his tounge. So I go into my usually line of questioning, how was PT, what's Barack up to, etc. He responds but I can tell he is not up for the small talk today.
So finally i ask- Daddy whats wrong?
He says I cant believe it... I can't believe it.
What???
I lost my lottery ticket!!!
I began to laugh in amusement.
Naw naw this is serious business.
(I heard things rattling in the background, noises fading in and out, he is clearly pacing around the house.)
I had it in my shirt pocket and now I cant find it...
Well Daddy- im sure it will turn up.
Okay so I utter more reassurances. He is not having it. I need to put this in perspective. My dad buys lottery tickets fairly frequently. Not a lot of them- but enough to be a part of the action. During one family dinner where my Dad was leading the blessing of the food at the end of the blessing he asked the Lord for the lottery numbers. "Help a brotha out" he said. So he is quite distraught by having misplaced this ticket. I dont know if he ever found it- and I'll check in later to see what happened.
But man my parents are characters...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
18 more days
So im 18 days from being FREE!!!! referring to my current work situation...
Fortunately I will be heading to much greener pastures at my next gig and im looking forward to being there soon.
In the meantime, however, I have to deal with foolishness here. Im working in a very small department with all white women and one white man. In addition to being the only "little negro child"- I am also the newest person in the department, so my days are sometimes very isolating. I try to relate to what happened on American Idol, or constant talk about their body perceptions, or how being a mother has made them even more brilliant, etc. (Im sure these topics are not strongly correlated with ethnicity). All in all this work situation has really call my Blackness to my attention. (The afro Im sure is adding to their perception of what kind of Black person I may be.)
They are not very happy here- and that attitude has been made painfully aware to me. Being new is weird because you can sense something is off, it just takes a while to make sense of the climate.
Im sure I will get around to all the foolishness that has happened here at some point, its too much to type now and I wouldnt even know where to begin. I guess I do really... 18 more days! is a good place to start.
Im so excited I have a countdown chart on my bulletin board in my office. (im not used to subtletly). Right next to my "Bang head here" sign.
Is it time to go yet? ....naw just 1:05
Fortunately I will be heading to much greener pastures at my next gig and im looking forward to being there soon.
In the meantime, however, I have to deal with foolishness here. Im working in a very small department with all white women and one white man. In addition to being the only "little negro child"- I am also the newest person in the department, so my days are sometimes very isolating. I try to relate to what happened on American Idol, or constant talk about their body perceptions, or how being a mother has made them even more brilliant, etc. (Im sure these topics are not strongly correlated with ethnicity). All in all this work situation has really call my Blackness to my attention. (The afro Im sure is adding to their perception of what kind of Black person I may be.)
They are not very happy here- and that attitude has been made painfully aware to me. Being new is weird because you can sense something is off, it just takes a while to make sense of the climate.
Im sure I will get around to all the foolishness that has happened here at some point, its too much to type now and I wouldnt even know where to begin. I guess I do really... 18 more days! is a good place to start.
Im so excited I have a countdown chart on my bulletin board in my office. (im not used to subtletly). Right next to my "Bang head here" sign.
Is it time to go yet? ....naw just 1:05
i did it...
Ive been contemplating for a while if I should start a blog.... In the grand scheme of things it might not seem like such a big deal but for a private person like myself.. this is HUGE.
Could I be discplined enough to write on a fairly frequent basis? What in the world will I say? I have no idea ...is the real answer to those questions... Lets see where this takes me...
I can't believe I did it.
Could I be discplined enough to write on a fairly frequent basis? What in the world will I say? I have no idea ...is the real answer to those questions... Lets see where this takes me...
I can't believe I did it.
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