I'm an a**hole

Okay... let me explain. I feel like I am aware of who my close friends are... I mean really good friends, people I would depend on in a crisis, would call if I needed a shoulder to cry on, would take a trip with, hell -would even let into my home. (This number is quite small). In fact, some people who were once friends are now no longer, I have no qualms with parting from people who are no good for my life. So this group of friends is quite protected and I do a thorough screening process before I am okay with allowing people to join this club. (It's not that I think I'm so great, it just is exhausting having bad friends.)
I'm diverting from my point. Soooo what has never occurred to me that someone would consider me a great close friend, when I don't feel the same. So this friend, let's call her "Barbara" has asked me to a part of a big event for her back in December. And in a moment of poor, very poor judgement, I happily said Yes! I will be a part of your big day. Later on - she told me I would be in a role of honor. It was at this moment I immediately knew I made a bad decision. So in the meantime, I have been a COMPLETE a-hole. I have not connected with the party, been basically MIA. Well fast forward to today, the big day is two months away. I have not purchased anything, talked to anyone, I have no idea what is going on.
What I need to do, is just break the news to "Barbara". I however can't think of how to do that. I feel horrible, and I know it will be disappointing, and I feel like a very bad person. I can't make this situation better and that is ticking me off! 

Until next time,
LNC

Wow... where have I been?

So since the last time I've made an entry we are in a new year, I have a new goddaughter, and a new attitude (a la Patti LaBelle) - okay that last one was a lie, but I couldn't think of anything else to put at the end of that sentence.  I feel like this blog has been made up of apologies - and that is no way to do a blog. But for real, how do bloggers, blog on the regular? I can't for the life of me figure out how they have the discipline to attend to a blog. At any rate, I'm not going to use this blog as a venue to make myself feel bad. I'm here now dammit! : )

Uhm so now I don't know what to say. Lol....

Ahhh. Well I will say that I'm looking forward to fully enjoying spring. The sun is shining more than it's raining so that's cool. That seems to be good for my spirits. I'm working on trying to get some big things happening in the workplace. I am excited to be the godmother of two beautiful and genius babies! I have been able to find a community of people that I enjoy, and allow me to be me and are about to take over the world....

So... that's it for now. I'm going to pace myself on this one (and work on be a little more frequent).

Until next time,
LNC

sadness all around

This has been quite the week. We had a big loss in my work environment. As a result I have been up close with hurting people. It is hard for me to wrap my head around being helpful while others a grieving a loss that seems cruel. I have been a witness to varying levels of pain, guilt, anger, and confusion. And frankly, I wish there a way I could take it all away from them. I know life has its joys and its sorrows.. But these type of sorrows SUCK.

Until next time,
LNC

mentorship blues

Recently this LNC had a birthday. Wooohoo! I'm enjoying the 30 club. I had a great time celebrating and as soon as I find my camera I will post some pictures of that adventure. It was nice to spend some time away to suspend reality and just do things that I enjoy.

Before my birthday excursion I was struggling with severe burnout. (Mostly job related.) At work, I wear a lot of hats, one of the newest hats requires me to be a mentor/supervisor of students.I serve as a co-advisor with one of three groups of students. Recently there has been some "tension" (putting it mildly) between the other co-advisor and myself. (Although now that I think of it, I am pretty sure that the co-advisor is completely unaware of what I think of her and her decision making choices.) All semester I have been trying different strategies to continue help this particular group of students all while not letting them in on my contempt for the co-advisor.

Well this past week two students within this group asked to me with me to update me on some things regarding the organization. They proceeding to tell me about how they have been demeaned by the co-advisor and how things are different within the group when I am not around. It broke my heart. I found it hard to digest all the things that occur in my absence, particularly when this group of students who work so hard on behalf of this organization.  So now I'm left with the task of figuring out how to resolve this issue in a way that is mature and helpful. My gut response truly is to pull some mean verbal punches.  I'm rambling... I see. I think it is because this issue is far from being resolved and I know that it won't be in a way that is satisfactory to all involved parties. Someone will be disappointed. I am going to keep thinking through this and come back with the updates...

Later,
LNC

my new beginning was almost the end

In thinking about the theme for the week - I decided to focus on the randomness that is my life... I often get into quite bizarre and often hilarious situations. So this week I will share some of those.

I am not sure about most people but for me I don't recognize that I am "in a funk" until the funk has almost passed. So I am beginning to feel the funk lifting. In the meantime a lot of things have not gotten the attention they deserve, one of those things being my home. So in an effort to have a first step, I decided to work on the light on the front steps. It had been out for some time, and I figured I would just go ahead and replace the bulb before I head out. Seems easy right? 

So I get the light bulb from the cabinet. I get to the light and realize the switch is off. So I am thinking, is the reason there is no light because the switch has been off - all this time? At any rate I flip the switch well the bulb was not working. So I unscrew the old bulb and beginning to screw in the new bulb. As I screw in the new bulb I notice a few sparks. (In my mind I think - oh, this will go away if I continue to screw in the bulb!) Well the sparks stopped but the popping and buzzing and smoking took its place. I almost electrocuted myself! This LNC would have been taken down in the prime of her life. So I flip the switch off grabbed my keys and got the hell out of the house. I couldn't take the pressure.... lol.

So now I am back at home, my front steps are still dark, but I have a good story to tell.
Maybe that means the rest of the week will be smooth in comparison.
Here's to wishful thinking,
LNC

where to go from here?

I've made a pledge of sorts..... to write at least twice a week. Sounded pretty easy at the time. I have been staring at this blank "new post" page for 20 minutes. I have nothing to say or type rather. That is not entirely true, there are a ton of things I could go into: work, family, friends, hopes, dreams, wants, needs.... To have it all written out before me would be a little unsettling I think. It is much easier for me to ignore such things if I can distract myself with a new thought. I think there is a bit more stumbling in my future until I am on solid footing. I don't really think of myself much as a writer in fact in the family my sister is the writer/poet. I just am full of opinions..... (a trait surely inherited from my dad). I am going to work on figuring out the best way to share those... Perhaps a theme for the week... to tackle the two postings. Yeah.... I like that idea..

I'll be back ...
LNC

Ok I'm back for real this time..... lol

Wow
So it has been almost TWO YEARS since my last entry. Had it not been for a friendly "intervention" of sorts more time would have surely passed. I have a terrible habit of moving on to the next thing, I guess it is more than a habit this LNC has made it a lifestyle. Part of me wants to go through all of the foolishness and mayhem that has transpired. The other part of me is tired to even begin that list. Soooo maybe that will be a post for another day. After all this is my first time back in quite a while. I will pace myself and work on being more frequent in postings. I will say that as I look ahead to a birthday around the corner, I am appreciative of those who are close to me. I am getting quite adept at finding great people to surround myself with these days...

Until next time,
LNC